Dance dance dance

2009-03-16T10:28:00.001+08:00

Moved, for the 13546789650th time :D
http://thestaticlight.livejournal.com/

Smoking his last cigarette

2009-03-15T22:12:00.004+08:00

It keeps you up
From the back of your mind
To the tip of your tongue
Reaching out looking for mine

I’ll be your cigarette
Light me up and get on with it
I’ll be hard to forget
Good or bad I want to be a habit
Good or bad I want to be your habit

Sweet relief
That’s what you come and get from me
I give it up everytime
You want it you got it
I'll be your queen.

How did we get here, i think i know

2009-03-15T00:00:00.001+08:00

Cheers to my babygirl and her fantabulous job at Decode and Won't go home without you
Best singer there tonight, i might be bias but who cares! love you pop princess.

The other little kids, this little girl that probably only reached my waist sang girlfriend, a little boy who sang

happy birthday, and this talented 8/7 yr old who played the bass and drums with cool hair made me squeal.

if i had the time, i would join the academy.

2009-03-13T23:37:00.005+08:00

It doesn't feel the same anywhere else. Friday nights, get rid of the friday night blues.
We lie on your single bed, and even though it's too cramp, we don't care. Staring at the
ceiling, breathing with our eyes closed, giggling like girls over the silliest things.
I tell you how I feel through tears, you wipe them away and tell me you feel just the same.
I watch you play your computer games, while you help me pick out new clothes, you call me
a hopeless romantic, then satisfy my whims. i know you deserve more, but love is all i can give.
We have singing competitions and conversations and play pretend over the phone till two-
you kiss me on my nose. my bestfriend, boyfriend, lover;
"baby, you get me in so many ways"."you know what, you get me that way too".

2009-03-12T20:45:00.002+08:00

"what do you have to say to me?"
"i'll love you forever, sid."
"you will?"
"yes, that's the problem"

skins is heartwrenching.

2009-03-12T19:10:00.003+08:00

Rereading all your letters, and mini post-its left in my wallet, they instill comfort into my solitude.
injecting you back into my veins. like your invisible hand clearing my weary eyes, i don't have to hide.
and even though a monsoon hit last night, i know we'll live like we always did: me, you and the world
i love how your tshirt feels on my skin, like a makeshift home of cloth.

"I hope you don't mind, i hope you don't mind that i put down in words; how wonderful life is, now you're in the world"

2009-03-11T10:10:00.007+08:00

i wonder what hair, that's just about to be snipped off, thinks about. does it anticipate its fall
where it joins its other snipoffs or do the scissors catch it by absolute surprise?
what's in my brain, stays in my brain. because thinking out loud just isn't good enough.

my fingers are bitten to the core, pottering around in my boyfriend's tshirt, watching skins, hair snipped,
brain relocated somewhere else, finding something else to do, waiting for his call, thinking about my
affinity or lack thereof to emotion, wondering where my bad habits have gone, loving a boy who fucks up
my brain in the best way possible then lets me float away with the smoke from his drag.

Tiffany-twisted

2009-03-10T22:02:00.003+08:00

beautiful but you don't even try.
in the darkness, carlights approaching then disappearing
i kiss your lips, i taste exactly where i want to be.
every moment with you, a second to oblivion

do i seem scary if you see me in a room, and you've never spoken to me before?
do my eyes sweep across you as if you do not exist?
do i exude a certain aura that i do not want to associate myself with you?
because if i do, i really don't mean to. i am actually friendly, and prettymuch wasted in the head
so why in the world would people be afraid of me?

fly.
flew.
flown.

2009-03-08T21:42:00.003+08:00

Insecure, clingy, over-paranoid, difficult, withrawn, moody, controlling, skinnyobsessed: ME

how do you see past my imperfections when there isn't anything else to see?

where are you.

Nothing's gonna change my world...

2009-03-08T09:22:00.007+08:00

First thing in the morning, last thing on my mind.

Can love be dangerous to the point of crucifixion? where you're left hanging there

immobile with your limbs screaming in pain? till you ache even, behind your eyes.

dangerous to the point where the remnants of a soul is destroyed by a careless heart?

Your eyes like smudged diamonds, the happiest almonds when you smile,

i cannot tear my eyes away. when you lean in for one more, i lose my head.

that kiss layered with drugs, seeping through my veins, binds me with a silver

feeling. your whispering touch, silently. subtly melting my fortress.

you're addictive, and as you take my hand and lead me into the moonlight

a smile spreads across your lovely face. i am alone, with your lovely bones.

love is almost surreal, and the goingons around me like a cartoon strip pieced with weak glue.

but you make me feel so vulnerable, yet safe from the weathers of this world

this is what i do, when i think about you.

2009-03-07T23:26:00.003+08:00

gig sucked. noise really has to progress more. best was probably en-x. mostly just sat at the side with my boy, and laughed about the local hiphop
scene and funny names. then walked around the esplanade, almost choked on secondhand cigarette smoke, then decided to leave. Spent the rest
of the night lying on his lap beside a fountain scanning the nightsky for stars. fell asleep on him on 10 on the way home. wish moments like those
could go on forever. when my fears leave, and i can breathe easy, smile easy.

p.s. there's a MONSTER lizard in my room, i'm fucking scared.

2009-03-06T22:49:00.003+08:00

"i initiated the going to the park!"

"oh really"

"yea. i was like: wanna get outta here together?"

"and i was like HELL YEAH"

"omg hahahhahahaahhahahahahhahahaha"

I wanna relive that night. rewind. pause. play. and repeat.

it's a wonder how...

2009-03-05T19:42:00.002+08:00

you still excite me at the very thought of you even after 15 months of breathing the same air. how my entire soul and body look forward to
friday nights and saturdays and sometimes sundays too, becuase i know it's these 3 wonderful days that i get to spend with you. maybe
because it's during these 3 days that we're wholely each other's. no distractions, no distress, no distance. you're the first to hear if anything
good or bad happens to me, the first i think of running to when i feel like the world is crashing, and definitely first on my speed dial.
i love how we can be anywhere else, but we'd rather be right here beside each other because the world is so much less complicated with your
hand in mine and your smile. so thank you for singing me impromptu songs, letting me sleep on you on the bus, and going out of your house
just to send me home in the rain. this is what being in love is, this is what losing your mind feels like.

Friday night beneath the stars,in a field behind your yard,
you and I are paintin' pictures in the sky.
And sometimes we don't say a thing;
just listen to the crickets sing.
Everything I need is right here by my side.
And I know everything about you
I don't wanna live without you.

2009-03-04T21:23:00.002+08:00

"Love is the most nerve wrecking drug on the market. You've zero control over your actions when you're in love,
and you completely lose all sense of the other world other than the one you're lost in the eyes of the person."

I'm in so deep, to my neck in this intriguing four letter higher power
and i know i will never be able to escape the attraction.
When all guards have been let down, and i stay transfixed in the state of want,
it's become like a sweet tasting weapon against me;
you're my sole epitome of happiness and dependance, without you i'm pointless.
So here i am, unable to trace back to the days when i wasn't irrevocably in love with you
boy who had me at hello, the truth is i'll never be able to let go of you.

2009-03-03T16:54:00.005+08:00

Stop being such a leech thanks.

Happy tuesday people. I'm in a bad mood, come nearer and i'll bite you.

On a more depressing note, i am phat. i lost a kg but i'm still phat. Angelyn, please do not slap me when you see this. So I spent the last half an hour

doing leg raises, crunches, and sit-ups. Being fifteen soon means being more disciplined. NO MORE JUNK FOOD, and STOP EATING 3 MEALS A DAY.

EAT TWO. IT CAN SUSTAIN YOU. Okay, i'm very very fucking eggcited for my 15th, more than i was for my 14th. maybe it's cuz i have no idea

what's going to happen, plus it's being planned by my favourite person. And and and, f21 has gawjuss stuff. hint hint. cough graphic tee's cough.

okay not depressed anymore! besides the fact i didn't get to see my ninja, today, AGAIN. PFFT.

tmrz im gonna bus down to meet baby C at her school, hour long bus ride. how fun. that is if i can skip chinese remdial. going to cheer her up up up,

and then hopefully can see my other baby for dinner. Sounds good to me. Cheerleading is coming along fine, i'm cheer captain. hoho.

"hey hey you you 3/3's gonna win this year, no way no way you dont stand a chance..

hey hey you you come on and look over here.

we're so fine, the trophy's mine, we're so vivacious

you think about us all the time, we're so addictive

don't you know what we can do to win this time, alright..

cos, they're like so whatever.

we could do so much better

i think we should get together now. thats what everyone's talking about!!!"

helluva bimbo cheer. oh well.

Lotsa love.

2009-03-02T19:24:00.004+08:00

So basically,
today went by in a blur;
I was always staring at the clock. counting down the hours, minutes, seconds till-
well, nevermind.
disappointment is a big part of our lives. and it's nobody's fault.
i am over emotional. or am i?
and i just want a bit of your time, and hopefully a bit more of comfort-
when i see words that used to paste the sun in my sky on someone else's wall.

note to self: with no expectations, comes no great disappointment.
and i can't handle disappointment. i am weak.

2009-03-01T21:53:00.002+08:00

To Laura E,
I will always be with you. And even if it hurts right now, it will blow over.
until then, i'll cry with you just like how you let me cry on you when i felt like dying. I love you babygirl.

2009-03-01T14:14:00.004+08:00

what am i?
alot less than perfect, that's for sure.
careless to the point of total sensitivity breakdown,
and a compulsion to decline your want for normality.
i expect you know you deserve so much more,
but i'm in desperate need for you.
I'm a disappointment, such a disappointment-
for breaking down the person who loves me more than life itself.
you're immaculate, i'm a mistake.
And I'll never understand your ability to see past my flaws,
behind all the damage i've caused.
i'm sorry you're stuck with this imperfect being,
but i need you here, as selfish as it may be.
When you grab me and tell me that you love me like a fool
I know you mean it, and i love you too.

They say sleep takes the pain away,
but how do I sleep away how I've treated you this way.
instead I'll lie awake, stare at the ceiling and plan
the only way to make you smile, the only way to change.

2009-03-01T00:07:00.004+08:00

A spoilt umbrella in the rain, non-stop what ifs, cold bus rides watching tv mobile and best friends.
Our romance is unconventional.
there are the fights, there are the makeups, there are those long lonely nights-
but you and i?
still in nervous silly love with each other,
i wouldn't be anybody else's girl.

21 days to my 15th, and i am omfgly eggcited ttm. the darling boy is planning this super sweet fifteenth birthday thingy.
it's a surprise, but i know when and who. just not where and what. it's going to be an awesum birthday, party from the late afternoon to night.
with my favourite people, and then from midnight to the A.M, it's more partying somewhere else, and then sleepover for the girls and i. YAY.
Ange Lydia Lauraeva Victoria Stefanie Colleen Dj Helios Yunhou Arshvyn Elisha Ken Namreena Sara Jerlene Shibei Chermaine Clifford Daryl Matt Theresa
you are invited. i think that's the invite list :D check with josh! OKAY LOVE YOU ALL.

2009-02-26T19:45:00.003+08:00

what subsists of you in my memory: days over icecream and airports. Do you miss me the way I miss you?

2009-02-26T11:12:00.004+08:00

I hunger for the weekend, waiting for the glorious to arrive, so I can stop this cycle of books, paper and ink. Of physical and mental exhaust.
February is coming to a close, and- I have survived the storms. One thing I've learnt so far is, that I can never be alone. And as much as I deny
it, I cling onto every ounce of love you show me like a little girl clings on to her mother on the first day of kindergarten. I am nothing but empty
space if you aren't there to fill it. I never used to be like this, you just began to mean too much to me.

Fear creeps up like a thief in the night.

2009-02-24T19:07:00.003+08:00

What's the immaterial substancethat envelopes two,
that one percieves as hunger and the other as food.
I wake in tangeled covers,to a sash of snow,
you dream in a cartoon garden,I could never know.
Innocent imitation of how it would be
if once the music entered, you did not retreat
in my imagination,
you are cast in gold
your image a compensation for me to hold.
Parallel lines, move so fast,
toward the same point,infinity is as near as it is far

2009-02-23T21:21:00.008+08:00

do you know how it feels like to be the luckiest girl on earth when he's holding your hand and telling you he loves your eyes?

or how it feels like to kiss the lips that have been so familiar, to finally stop crying because he's thrown away his heart to be with you?

and what totally gets you right that way, is just how his smile suddenly makes all the painful cold nights all worthwhile.

i do. i know how it feels.

i'm feeling a mix of emotion. miserable but contented. i guess i really wish you could be here in my room to put me to sleep. but still,

i'm happy enough that you're mine. strange emotions= strange person. i feel rather estranged to some people, old friends. as if the world

took a wrong turn, and i'm somewhat stuck on the other side. i can't connect to some like i used to, i am irritable, short-fused, unfocused.

little seems to cheer me up. and i realise most of the time, crowded places with easy atmosphere and easy people make me happy skin-deeply.

how shallow can i get? of course, it's only happy with you next to me. i'm only happy when you're happy. i think that's Love.

i am fucking desperate for happyness. who isn't?

I'm not the same as I was a year ago, or much less two years ago. And people claim they've lost me. Or i am so much more than they can remember.

my only excuse being that adolescent is a versatile age, volatile and bipolar to say the least. i've finally come to realise how much i treasure

simplicity. i used to scavenge for excitement and complexity, now i opt for the route of less resistance. it's simpler, easier, calmer.

My world with you and me. Me and you. Sounds more than good to me.

I just really want you tonight, don't I?

2009-02-22T21:37:00.002+08:00

POSTBOX IS TEH SECKS. credits: masking tape pasted on Weiwen's shirt.

Cheers to Postbox on their launch of their EP, one of the few bands I actually don't mind standing for an hour watching. The theme of the launch was

"when we were young" and they played it up with the yellow balloons, sunflowers and bubbles. One of those nights when music just creeps into your

head through the tunnels of your ears and you find your feet dancing crazy. Beautiful music, beautiful people, beautiful groove. Makes me feel at ease.

"i can't forget the day i met you, i was hypnotized. i couldn't stop looking out my window, i was in a spell..."

I want to sleep with the EP between my knees.

2009-02-20T23:15:00.001+08:00

I like that my fridaynights are often planned around my boyfriend, and that we almost always do nothing in particular, really. sometimes it's

more entertaining to do nothing, than to plan something. Today I fell asleep again in his arms (yay best place ever) and by the time we woke

it was 8. So we lazed around for abit more, talked while staring at the ceiling, and then walked down his street to find dinner. Settled for some

Roast Duck place, and then he left for LAN while i made my way home. Tomorrow will be good. My weekend is here. Joyous screamings here.

I wish I could leave town for just awhile, luggage in one hand and your hand in the other. Then maybe I'd find this mess more appealing

to come back to. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I say absence makes it easier to forget. I wonder if there'd be a

teleportation machine invented soon. I'd like it under the christmas tree.

2009-02-19T20:41:00.001+08:00

After school and chem tuition, went down to siglap to meet Cliff and coincidentally Daryl and Helmi. Met Aida, my primary 2 bestfriend (sofya)'s sister too. Haha the world is size XS. I like rum and raisin. gobblegobbleyumyum. Caught up with Cliff, and the goingons of each other's lives. It's been awhile. Josh got dates wrong, so Cmm party is next friday, but we're going out tomorrow night because hell yeaa, my exams are over and my parents are outta town sunday to next thursday. Think this Saturday I'll be heading down to Postbox EP launch with C and the boys."Miss sunshine, can you come into my house and light me up?" Dances around.

2009-02-18T22:57:00.003+08:00

for those who wanted to see the fringe. it ain't so pretty.

term tests end tomorrow and i am supercalifragilistically elated because

Friday: Cmm party

Saturday: Night out with Colleen and the boys

because i need to give you all belated Valentines hugs

(Note: Boys that i'm talking about, keep saturday night free. i'm going to call you all)

Tuesday: Retail therapy with the gurlz Chermaine, Rasee, Vaish, Karen, Ange, Sasa, Namreena, Colleen.

Reminder to self: Buy doubleAs for your dying camera

*pop*

It became, and forever will stay as my favourite song. Like a remedy when I miss you.

2009-02-17T09:26:00.005+08:00

As she sits in the corner faced to the floor
she dispels smoke from her lips and slowly floats away with it
letting go of so much pain, her tears are thick enough to stain.

stuck to a heartshape, she's too beautiful for you to take
like a vibrant sense of plain in her tiny skeleton.
she throws a pebble into the dells of your heart,
all those convoluted channels and passageways-
and yet she managed to toss her pebble right down to the bottom of it all.

The days, you and her. Like figures against the neon
but once the light comes on, no more than silhouettes against the black.
Taken in, absorbed, transfixed. As her smile touched your lips

But she never stayed long enough for the prelude to end.

So there she is, like a shimmery brightlight
you walk right past her, and turn for a second glance
she's laughing with someone, luring yet another one into her trance
the silence was deathly absolute, like a big vacuum pause
only her poison eyes flutter across to meet yours.

And right there and then, you knew
she had never meant to fall in love with you.
your sweet angel, the feet that used to dangle
halfway down your bed;
is now halfway off your stage.

(Random drop of intimate inspiration)

Expectant colours

2009-02-16T18:59:00.007+08:00

Loe and behold, a memory.
A memory of our absence for the prized fight,
a memory. you and I.
Live like little children,
sustain on pure imagination and daring wit.
Life will be beautiful, I tell you.

2009-02-16T18:59:00.001+08:00

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now - even if we don't speak often, please post a
comment with a memory of you and i. It can be good or bad, it can be anything you want. When you're
finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

2009-02-15T19:30:00.002+08:00

Today was good. with Good I mean I felt contented, something I haven't gotten the priviledge to feel for awhile.
Girl On Queen Street woke me up at 715 and had to tolerate my cold shower without screaming because in the
morning my damn heater decides to bail on me. After freezing possibly every part of my body, I ignore my wet hair
and jump under my sheets, drenching my bed because I was too damn cold. And stayed under the blankie for about
10 minutes before getting changed and rushing off to Cathecism class. Uneventful class going ons and then.

Cabbed down to Josh's place. Ate frosties! Yes, part of my Valentines present to him, and then fell asleep on his
very extremely comforting bed in his very comforting arms, like old days. Kidnapped his Dslr and snapped pictures
while he was getting ready for work, styling his hair and i swear he takes longer than me to do his hair.

Came home to study SS and chem and Bio, watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding and then realised my parents forgot
about me and dinner so met Josh again for dinner at Bark's Cafe. Had a yummy chicken burger, while he told me
about his workstuffs, and my usual 'what-if' questions and wondered how nice it'd be if he could follow me home
and sit on my bed platform, tuck me in and talk to me till I fell asleep. Probably won't happen for another 3 years.
He walked me to my estate steps and hugged me for like 2 minutes before leaving. I love him to my toes. Wish
I could spend more time with him, now that his holidays have begun, but MY schedule decides to cock up and I just
want this week to be over so I can spend Friday Night at a party with him, and my weekend too because my term
tests would be finished and I'd be free-er. I cannot wait for my birthday. People's been asking me what I'm doing
this year to celebrate, but Josh's party planner so! ASK HIM.

At this point I realised none of you are probably interested in my daytodays, but I somehow felt like typing it out.
Term papers start tomorrow. Ss, english, bio- HERE WE GO.

2009-02-14T23:00:00.005+08:00

"hahahaha i own a thong."
"i have three"
"omg how you get?"
"mother bought."
"wah. my mother see mine, i think she cry"

2009-02-14T23:00:00.002+08:00

With Brokensocialscene and a gin tonic and thoughts of how we've been,
last night's intricate intimacies and i can safely say, this is the very state i want to stay in.
I think we both know the limits i've tested and the reasons you stay and forget,
and how I, after countless bad emotional experiments, still want to be in love with you afterall.
I can lose myself to carelessness, forget where the heart lies, and destroy the calm
bringing pain wherever, and even though. i'm not exactly the girl you met two decembers ago;
you still cure my fears, and sedate my restless soul. so, tell me my love, how can i ever let you go?

"For Laura, for convention"

2009-02-13T23:01:00.007+08:00

An Early Valentines.
a hand-cut-out "this is my heart with no strings attached",
a heart locket,
an orange daisy because daisies are my favourite,
a rose for conventional romantic purposes,
dinner at the beach,
and sleeping in your warm embrace.
i couldn't ask for more, i wouldn't ask for more
silence in your solace is the best kind of sound there is.

Second star to the right, and straight on till morning

2009-02-12T21:31:00.003+08:00

When I lie in your radiating presence, i'm lost and i lose my pretense
your soft whisper in my ear- i'll be true, i'll be useful, i'll be cavelier
i'll be yours, my dear. and that is when, my heart does a magic trick
So sit with me boy, cigarette and wine in hand- my favourite charmer from last summer.

here comes the night, come crashing.

2009-02-11T19:23:00.009+08:00

i feel like collapsing on my books
tears, tears go away. come again another day
for fuck sakes, another day please.
and somehow, you make my sky a little brighter.

on a sidenote, i'm so sick of your hypocricy
i hope you're having fun living your fallacy

the diary of a 6 year old

2009-02-10T22:34:00.004+08:00

hi.
i'm in love with you.
do you think you can love me too?
i'm in love with the way you laugh
and the way you talk to me
i'm in love with the crayon marks on your tshirt
and with the glimmer in your eye
i'm in love with your presence
(i even draw pictures of you)
and with your shadow animals
nobody makes me feel like the way you do
but i'm still so scared to tell you
do you know the butterflies that fly around my tummy
and the music when you're near
i wish you'd look at me more, this little girl here
i'm in love with you, and i really don't know what to do
because i know you know it (and i hoped you'd know it)
oh look, here you come. OH WAIT, here YOU come
i'm dissolving,
disappearing,
walking up to you-(what are my feet doing?)
oh no they're moving on their own accord, stop!stop!
laces. a whole squabble of laces-
trip, flip, fall...
"are you alright?"
no, actually, you're all i can think about when mummy tucks me in at night.

- random verse, whilst waiting for my boy to come home.

You're a menace to yourself, dancing this close to heartbreak

2009-02-10T19:05:00.002+08:00

Smash.
and there we go again.
Exiled, but unaware of your loss
Exiled, but in self denial
You make me want to scream
You torment my very being
You make it hard to breathe

Go on, continue
burn yourself only to realise
nobody really listened, afterall.
You pretend you won
and ignore my speak
My eyes linger on you
you, like a stabbing tool.
I had alot to say.

For her, I walked the other way

I dreamt, you realised, we loved.

2009-02-09T19:41:00.001+08:00

Keep me safe inside, your arms like towers, tower over me

2009-02-08T22:21:00.003+08:00

Mari says:
How do you know you're in love with him? Does he make your world spin?
Lauralisa says:
No, because love doesn't make the world go round, however he makes the ride all worthwhile
Mari says:
omfgz. my baby is in love. aww

2009-02-07T23:19:00.005+08:00

Run, baby, run.

you're beautiful,
you're perfect,
you're no less than all of a cloud of stardust.
your tears are the raindrops that sweeten my heart,
you make me perfect. your voice is the wind,
and it quietly soothes me, it leaves me breathless.

SO-
i cut my hair. the longish part hasn't changed much. but i have bangs, and my ninja has began calling me
bangsybob. turned out alright, just hopefully it'll grow a teenybit longer soon. it makes me look 'oriental'
according to Mum, hopefully it isn't a more polite way of screaming 'AHLIAN' in my face. joyjoyjoyjoy.
my feet are disfigured, kudos to friction and the blister's that've been popping like a hiphop dancer on
overdrive. ok. not fuh-nee. had dinner at brussels with Momsy and sister who got hair extensions and
looks like an Asian barbie doll with nice curly locks. hmph, not fair. i have frizzy warped dysfunctionalcurls.
Saturday i'm in luvvvv.

colourful independance

2009-02-06T22:56:00.003+08:00

i am going to cut my fringe like this:

Tgif, honestly. Hardly lasted through the week without feeling like school is an energy-sucking-monstrosity.
luckily enough Josh was there to save the day, as usual, had a good yummy dinner and fell asleep and later
watched 8 parts of A Walk To Remember. it's been a long week, and wouldn't know what to do without
my ninja. friday nights are the highlight of my week, and wouldn't spend it anyhow else.

though the picture has absolutely no reference to this. Lauraeva, cheer up, nothing shines quite as
bright as you when you're happy and alive. and i'm staying right here, and will always be here as
long as you'll have me. people come and go, but i'll fight your monsters anytime.

of all of them, you are my precious

2009-02-04T19:17:00.007+08:00

you're beautiful in the way you speak, walk,
talk. your kisses powerful to the point of paralyse. your heart is
my weakness; your tears, my fears. and i mix up
negativity with love, this girl too undeserving of you. I want
to be your hero, but i think you know- i'm not much more
than a mistake. a wasted mind of a heartbreak.
i'm just a little bit caught in the middle, life is a
maze and love is a riddle. if i could be kind, i'd leave you in pure consideration,
but selfishness eats my rationale.i need you to let me be alive.you're dying in my arms.
i am emotionally attached to you like gum in the hair, so
tangled so deliciously dangerous so deep
i'd spill my blood to be fair to you, to make up the
holes. i would rescucitate you, till my last breath. my last breath.
and with that i'd say: i love you-
really did, still really do.

My skin is getting weak, it's tired from the storms- dry, broken, pale.

2009-02-03T21:37:00.006+08:00

"encapsuling every surge of feeling into my heart
fully exposed and yours for the taking
breathe with me, sing to me, love with me"
I want
more boyfriend time
do well for my bio test
LivenLoaded tix
sparkly tights
In Stores Now
to see Hey Monday
gummybears

Ladeda

2009-02-02T18:05:00.003+08:00

they can argue, but imperfection still lives prominent in my veins, too much too little too damn wrong
the music is carrying on, but i can't find my feet, and i can't see the ground. down down down down
i've had it with you and your smashing, with your wrath and constant verbal trashing

i'm thinking of cutting my fringe, and straightening it so it touches my eyelashes- messy look.
then again, i've had bad experiences with bangs. not everybody looks like Kate moss with fringe.
but i think i'll try. I hate my curly hair now. I miss straight hair. Yes I do.

Happy Febby

2009-02-01T21:01:00.003+08:00

Quiet nights, quiet lights, producing overrated things called thoughts, pushing me into complete
amazement of how it's already the thirty-second day of the year. breathe in the good times,
breathe out the smoke, it's all a cycle where finding yourself is a complete impossibility. and
sometimes butterscotch just happens to be your bestfriend.

Cheers to the third year of loving you, it just keeps getting better.

2009-01-31T23:35:00.000+08:00

Tonight was Josh T's farewell before he leaves for Perth tomorrow. Last minute rush down to
Bugis, one of the steamboat places with Josh S to meet the rest of them. After eating lots of
rubbish steamboat food like crabsticks and sausages and spam, we walked around Bugis. Pretty
good fun catching up with the SA guys, soon I can't generalize since some, namely Yun and
Helios will be in TP. Whiteboy acting all gay around dj and Josh S, shit he's going to kill me if he
sees this. AH WELL SO FAREWELL JOSH. STUDY HARD THOUGH YOU PROLLY WON'T.

and on a very extremely fantabulous note: HAPPY 1st BABY.
this has been the happiest, most comforting, and most realising month I've ever had.
i know it hasn't been easy on you, but it'll get better soon, I promise.
thank you for the daisy, i love you.

I found a place to spend my time, safekept in your mind

2009-01-30T22:43:00.003+08:00

(leans on his chest in empty mrt)
"what if two people went through life being bestfriends, and all their other friends got married
around them and they just ended up marrying each other, because they realised there was nobody else?"
"you and your fantasies about love"
"I love you."

I had an excellent day today, one of the few thrilling days i have had this year. kudos to josh
and boyfriend-friday-nights for taking me out to town, where we shopped for his stuff and my stuff
and then watched bride wars at marina.it's been a long time since we'd spent time out together, and town
seemed so much more welcoming with him. remembering the days i spent with colleen/dj feeling so alone
because 3 is a crowd, all the places were the same but i felt happier.i liked the feeling of having someone
to hold my hand, someone to wait for me outside changing rooms and to just walk through the crowded
malls with again. or maybe I just liked the fact that we're both happy together again.
wouldn't have it anyother way now. honestly.

our friday nights together tend to always be at his house then eating wanton mee at the coffeeshop, not
that i don't like it, i actually love it. but tonight was good, finally so long after all my complaining about us
not doing "couple things" and whatnot. heeheehee.tgif never applied so well. School's been disastrous.
it's been hard not having all the wonders in the same class. plus secondary 3 is a whole new ball game;
musical in march. syf in april. i am scared shitless, stressed out, going insane yet completely at home.

oh yes, was wondering whether to do a self-initiated proj at the end of the year in my school. probably
get a few local bands (hopefully in conjunction with invasion productions) for an event and then finishing
off with a dramaclub production. open to public. what do you think?
J's off playing L4D with my couz, meeting him for a sashimi lunch tomorrow! drama first, of course. nites.

2009-01-29T16:56:00.005+08:00

Pick up.

I hate my imagination when I'm sad, it tends to cook up the most dreadful stories.
Like reasons why you're not answering my call- for example if you got hit by a car
oh god please no. Told you, dreadful.
(one hour later)
so, your phone was screwed, but you called back anyway. to a screaming fit of
tears and messy hair. it's a love/hate relationship with arguments with my parents
i hate it because i get so damn emotional, i love it because they THINK they won.

It's all going to where it all started, behind your back-
afterall, you choose to let me hide
i wanted to let you in on the know, but you pushed me away
hope you fucking regret this.

My sweetest sin

2009-01-28T22:40:00.002+08:00

Fallen.
Fallen into.
Fallen into dreadful.
Fallen into dreadful ecstatic.
Fallen into dreadful escastic nervous.
Fallen into dreadful ecstatic nervous irrevocable.
Fallen into dreadful ecstatic nervous irrevocable love.
Fallen into dreadful ecstatic nervous irrecovable love with.
Fallen into dreadful ecstatic nervous irrevocable love with you.

I'm about to see, just how much he means to me

2009-01-27T22:28:00.004+08:00

I am a princess and I am going to marry Joshua one summer morning under an oak tree

2009-01-27T12:02:00.003+08:00

Discussing curfew-change with your parents has proven itself to be a skill.
Their rebuttals were often "you're only 15", "you might get raped", "the police
might come after you"(wtfsxz?!), "you're too young", "your sister only started
going out after midnight at 21" (LOSE),"no. we'll talk about it when you're 16".
Mine were "but all my friends don't have a curfew so it's reasonable that i'm still
asking for one, just later", "please?", "i won't get raped, somebody will send me
home", "i'm old enough", "it's singapore, not the bahamas.", "skittles..."

2009-01-26T22:54:00.004+08:00

there's no reason to be that way,
there isn't a reason to feel that way
just like you said, right?
just like you said.

suck it like a straw, and breathe it in, watch the smoke swirl into disappearance;
peace. i'm at peace.

2009-01-24T23:34:00.000+08:00

delayed the amazing;
bad lighting and overpriced coke.

If sorry worked, I'd write it in my blood

2009-01-24T16:23:00.003+08:00

I give you every reason to leave,
but you're staying here with me
I wish I could be your saint;
Try to wish away your pain
Everything's in the light-
you, me and the things unsaid.
I promise I'll make the change
and watch all that tore us apart,
slowly fade.

I always loved you, I miss you all the time

2009-01-23T23:33:00.007+08:00

my glimpse of a social life for this year: daryl tan's 18th. HAPPIE BIRTHDAY BOY.
insane party, with kevin passing out and breaking a chair already by the time i got there.
met new people; nadine, matthew, natasha, algernon(yes, his name really was algy, for
those who know oscar wilde)... okay those are the ones who actually told me their names.
sat around with cliff playing the guitar, making up random one-liner songs with them,
(decent english man, im looking at men-courtesy of pullat, boys with bellies and whatnot)
most of the time people greeted me with " OHMYGOD LAURA? look so mature!
still remember you, so small with tied hair in uniform all...wah sia..." hahahahaha yea well
it's been 2 years since they saw me as in sec one and trying to study lit in starbucks, really
miss the siglap kids. p.s. i want an awesome birthday! haha hint hint poke poke joshua boyfriend
party planner. coke+scotch+sprite+vodka does things to your head, especially if made by ahtao
cos my head's spinning and it kind of hurts. so ttyl babeys.
i like parties. i have been deprived.

2009-01-22T19:38:00.004+08:00

I'd like to say,
just how much you get me that way too.

2009-01-21T22:14:00.004+08:00

It's gotta be this one,
You don't have to fake it
You know I can take it
What if I told you your tears haven't been ignored
And everything that was taken can be restored

It's gotta be just right
Soul and script
Chord and the lyrics
What if I told you that innocence is yours
And the beauty you have now is brighter than before

No matter how we fight, and it feels like we're falling apart- everytime i see you, the pent up frustration
evaporates and i can't help but reach for your hand to tell you that i love you and that i'm not going
anywhere because nowhere will feel as comfortable as the space right next to you, and in your head.

2009-01-20T20:30:00.004+08:00

Drum rolls please,
for the drama queen;
stop and look
as she causes a scene.
I hate how I'll never be fine with the idea of her, and the claustrophobia she closes in.

2009-01-20T18:00:00.006+08:00

"Sometimes when I'm bored, I scream PUSSYCAT really loud..."
"dtghbnfdxshjasdfghj what?"
"i think i'm slightly lesbian..."

Ok. So M came to a new conclusion about herself on the 2o/1/09 - could be slightly homo.
OH OH before anything else- HAPPY 15th LEEDIA, obviously you ain't going to see
it until you're back from obs, i hope you're having a wild(pun intended) birthday at ubin.
it's not fair you get to turn 15 way before all of us, but you're still our little girlie. met rish
and janice at siglap today to catch up, met clifford and pierson there by chance. i have to
finish my script now, here we go creative braincells.

i'm fucking insecure. i need your attention too.

2009-01-19T19:58:00.003+08:00

K: and I must confess, you are so much more than what i remember
L: that's a song lyric
K: pretend you don't know that
L: unoriginal
K: apathetic

Forever and ever, baby

2009-01-18T21:00:00.006+08:00

I lost my heart the day
you took my hand, and whispered "please stay"
lying carefree, toes on your wall
lips skimming yours,
i wanted to press pause
stay that way forever before we move on
because before i can be content, the moment's gone
but it's better than chocolate comfort
to know it's always going to be you and me
no gorgeous rock and roll queen nor
matinee idol's ever going to steal our hearts
and where you are is the surrender i've been waiting for.
you dance with no music and sing with my song
you like my black eye liner and my hair long
with grey jeans, white shirt and hair wind swept
talking like we're bestfriends, laughing like lovers too
stay that way,
the way i love you.

To Joshua Paul, my krazy boy;

2009-01-17T23:25:00.000+08:00

Ange-
i've been better than i have been way back before without you
you're the sunshine on my toast, the machine in my regime
my favourite drama queen and best-everything
thanks for believing in my light, and piecing me back all the time
and even though i've got him now, you're still my babygirl.
i'm here for you till the end, when we're both grey and in electronic rocking chairs

"I kissed a girl, and i liked it. the taste of her cherry chapstick"

2009-01-17T23:14:00.000+08:00

"DRAMA CLUB, where the magic begins..."

2009-01-16T23:00:00.001+08:00

You. and your wonderland
trapped in lightyears in the generation where love doesn't exist solid;
and every gap of words unsaid unspoken, raw emotions break you apart
faster than the rocket. Self-discovery is only in the means of realisation
that you're not alone; you're lonely. but every noise pauses, in the midst
of your embrace. quicker than the darkness between blinks, softer than
the silence. you're the only one who can whisk me into oblivion,
the only one who keeps me next to you long enough to know i need you.
as the clock vibrates by,
i'll lie with you and pretend we're king and queen of the world unseen.

2009-01-15T20:36:00.001+08:00

Raised voices, disappointments, broken hearts, used to be's

insecurity eats me.
you save me faster.

2009-01-14T19:42:00.004+08:00

with the tingtings around, you really don't need weed or scotch
or vodka as Colleen and I have concluded. With opening background
"HEY YAAA" music we danced to, a smashing mosh pit, force vomit,
wylie which roused more dancing (it got to a point where it was just jumping)
and ending with the best song. yep, you guessed it- that's not my name.
By far, the best concert I've been to yet.

"This is not my idea, don't you keep me waiting"

2009-01-14T19:01:00.003+08:00

i used to like coming home.

part time lover and fulltime friend.

2009-01-12T19:42:00.004+08:00

"I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed,
my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
You are always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you"

2009-01-11T18:58:00.003+08:00

it's really shitty to have a shitload of homework with a shitload of difficult things.
Read my lips. SHITE-LOAD.
and because of my father today and his imposing self i didn't get to go out with my boy
adjgffjdksghrfndjsshdjzxskxmnfdfghjktghndfmxnfghdjxka hatez.
however, i did blow another 200 at haji lane on nice new-smelling clothes teeheehee
oh, and i have a leaky nose and a compulsion to sneeze everytime i look at a bright light
SYF rehearsals tmr. bleh blee bloo whoohoo. 2 days to Tingtings. GAHAHHAHAHAHAHA HELLYEAHZZ.
~runs off to do Amath~

"Enough of other girls, you're the one i can't stop thinking about"

2009-01-11T17:32:00.004+08:00

You're the presence on my waist, the scent on my dress
the hand intertwined with mine, the slowdown of time.
You've got your way of making me extreme, oblivious to
the sombre atmosphere we all live in, but at a heightened
state of ecstasy whilst totally grounded to your floor
the ghost in my memory, the boy in my dreams, the love
in my toes. You, me and the things unsaid; now all across the
table. Kookookachu, all the hurt I undo. Kookookachu. I love you.

I'm a genie in a bottle, and i'm staying there. Blah.

2009-01-10T17:24:00.003+08:00

Life is boring.
No party, no social, no dancing;
it's a saturday and i am home,
damn you parental restrictions.

Edit/
I ended up at cathay watching Passengers, fell asleep in the theatre.
Luvluvluv late night movies and yummy BenNjerrys
And I'm going out tomorrow (well, today actually since it's 1.55)
nyahahahhahah yesssssssss no grounding!

2009-01-09T23:30:00.001+08:00

Realization of the day: Weiwen laughs like a small boy

2009-01-08T18:56:00.003+08:00

one more thing to do before we die: slow dance in a meteor shower to Mazzy Star.

I am in love.

2009-01-08T17:56:00.001+08:00

I used to be your distant angel, now I don't mean a thing to you.
I wish I had a functional relationship with my father.
I wish I actually cared,
you who brought so much joy now bring crippling discomfort

"your math is like a sexy elephant...impossible"

2009-01-07T20:37:00.004+08:00

there's nowhere else below in or out of your hemisphere i'd rather be,
with constant twisting of the mind to fit my strange imagination.
sitting here in my happyache, accelerating my brain capacities thinking
about you and how every song seems to circle the way i love you. i talk
about you too much, and i dream about you excessively so much the edge
of pages have your name on it. normally it would be dangerous, but i can
sit seatbeltless in your heart and scream your voice was the soundtrack of
my summer you're unlike any other. and what's utterly amusing is that i've
been in love with you since i was 12 and young; a little girl who talked too
much, and we are rollin' spinnin on the 22nd century because 22 will always
be my lucky number. i'm still looking for our pictures-
the one where i was still wearing glasses and you were still a boy secretly in love with me.

I was a dreamer before

2009-01-07T17:52:00.003+08:00

"All the world's a stage, the men and women, merely players.
They have their entrances and exits" Shakespeare and his godly
ways of explaining life in peripheral detail, almost perfectly.
Entrances and exits, as inseperable as day and night. Night doesn't
come without the day ending, and the day doesn't take its leave
until night is there to take its place. Don't you see? The people
around you are only players on your stage, and most of the time
enter by the right wing and exit the left. Once they've said their
line, and finished the spotlight, they take off. Different spotlights
on different people, they come and they go as many times as the
script allows. And once the show is over, they leave the stage.
Silent. Hours after the show has ended, the silence covers the stage
like a blanket, and peacefully the lights dim like the glimmer in your eyes.

For Drama purposes. Inspiration, please knock on my door.

2009-01-06T22:10:00.002+08:00

'i miss you terribly,
the distance can't control me
i promise we will pull through,
i'm constantly thinking of you
oh, hold your head up boy
and wear a smile for me
it's still seems faraway, but someday you will see
you know i'm worth waiting for
we've been through so much more afterall

so wipe away those tears
we can conquer our fears
and never fall
i'm a thousand miles away
but please just hang in there
some day things will be fine
we'll make up for lost time
oh close your eyes now boy,
imagine me right there
i'm sitting right beside you
over memories we share'

As the days get busier, and I see you a little lesser
we'll hold on to our love, and give it what it's worth

2009-01-06T18:20:00.004+08:00

awardwinning video. courtesy of josh tan

hope this somehow cheer you downseys up, school always sucks. can't wait for friday ftc's gig/dinner with my favourite boy and BigNightOut on Tuesday. Ohoh and syf auditions!

Excitedexcitedexcitedexcitedexcitedexcitedexcitedexcitedexcitedexcitedexcitedexcitedexcitedexcited

In your eyes I'd like to stay

2009-01-05T20:31:00.006+08:00

I think i look like an alien. especially in the last one. i feel like going to a circus.
I love you, boy, truckloads. Xxxx

Little smiles

2009-01-05T17:18:00.005+08:00

**:::::....::::::****....:*:*:*...***....:::::*:....

Dance with me on the freeway, taste your cold lips in the pouring rain
I don't know how to sleep without you breathing next to me
you are my heart, keep me close.

sleep through the static

2009-01-03T18:31:00.002+08:00

Just cash in your blanks for little toy tanks
Learn how to use them, then abuse them and choose them
Over conversations relationships are overrated
"I hated everyone" said the sun

2009-01-03T00:16:00.003+08:00

Resolutions.

1. Hand in homework on time (on time being on the date it's due)
2. Be a super girlfriend
3. Pass Math, for once
4. Take mom's advice and stay off the hard alcohol
5. Stop blaming every negative thing on the family
6. Grow taller.
7. Lose weight.
8. Not to waste time in math tuition doodling
9. Watch more tv
10. Be optimistic

2009-01-02T23:18:00.003+08:00

I insanely miss all of you.

2009-01-01T21:56:00.004+08:00

i can't wait for

and i want:

to come.

it was nice this evening at changi beach, in the close hold of josh. the skies were grey but setting sun somehow lit it up a notch or two. we weren't doing anything in particular, and it felt so comfortable to be back in love with him. the year's about to kickstart fullswing in about 8 hours. so i'll enjoy the last of my mindless moments, sitting on my bed, browsing youtube, letting my thoughts flow. he's calling in 10 so i'm gonna turn off the lights and snug up in my blanket now. goodnite world. happy 2009.

2009-01-01T02:00:00.004+08:00

"would you like to be my girlfriend?"

I had the best start to a new year ever. and i don't care what they say, we is ninjapowerz yaw. i love you joshua paul siow.

Strawberry fields forever

2008-12-31T12:06:00.006+08:00

lie,
lie down next to me
while we,
trace the silver outline of
the universe
my hand, clasped
in yours. the
world
would be beautiful.
this heart, is
vacant
space waiting to be embraced
with gentle veins,
and a love
that is to last-
forever.

Last chapter.

2008-12-31T00:52:00.002+08:00

and thus in ode of all the best boys and bitches of the year; here's a toast to sparkly things and diamond rings and pony rides for free on rainbows and pink champagne on ice. the past year has been exuberant, overpriced and tactless. i still loved it to my bones anyway.

Joshuapaulsiow, my own sunshine in a bottle/baby/tissueboy. for the big things and the little things and for everything. i realised how much you put aside to love me, and what a big challenge that can be sometimes, and i really love you for sticking around and your forgiveness. for letting me cry in your arms, for making me so happy i have never been happier before. you're not alone anymore, because i'm here holding your hand.

Lauraevawong, my sexybitch. for icecream therapy, continual screams and operation lab blow-up. for conversations where it feels like i'm the only one talking because you're listening, for your love to buy me underwear and bitch sessions and being with me through every fuckedup situation.

Angelynlong, my dramaqueen. for ecstatic drama sessions, on and off stage, for not letting me be the only one who sucks at chinese, for keeping secrets and sharing secrets, for your neverending love and hugs and every inch of your beautiful soul that made this year easier.

Lydiatan, my bestfriend. for the past 13 years of love like woah, for bus rides home that i treasure so much because time with you never seems enough, for knowing who i really am, and for playing pretend at ten. so too bad huney, you're gonna be stuck with me for a long time coming.

Victoriasim, my dear. even though we hardly talk, the wonders would never be the same without you. your random comments, your happy eyes, and everything else in between. love you much, gorgeous.

Colleenchia, my stargirl. for weekend trips, for loud music, for strange streams of 4 days of seeing you everyday, for bringing colour into my life. for 2am runarounds, and gossipgirl obsessions. for settling my heart, and for the holidays spent with you. for starbucks, and collaura.

Nicoleanne, my babygirl. for mid morning phonecalls, for the past 7 years, for showing me love when i needed you most, for sticking with me through the most fucked up boys, through the best of boys, and for every single word of comfort.

and to theresa,stick, dj, yunhou, arshvyn, helios, ken, jillyn, elisha, keith, josh, edwin, matt, ben, wenhan, charmaine, fran, wes, laura p, patrick, janice, chris, betilda, kathy, damian, amy, evangeline, karen, vaish, kimbo, steffy, janice, sonia, mark and everybody else included in my year.

Happy New Year's Eve.

2008-12-30T12:59:00.006+08:00

starlight starbright my eyes are like kites in your velvet sky. i still have your scent from last december and you still taste the same over and over again. so somersault my heart and smoke love like it were some kind of weed of perfection. because we enter parallel universes faster than the speed of light.
why am i not spending 31st with you? oh right. commitments. greugh.

there it is, down in alphabaet.

2008-12-30T00:50:00.008+08:00

Lauralisa. gumballs says:
I LOVE YOU JOSHUA PAUL SIOW WEI HAN
Jawsh says:
shit i need my cough syrup
Jawsh says:
wait for me ok
Jawsh says:
I LOVE YOU LAURA YEO WEI WEN

i have to do this right this time. no more false words, no more falters. only perfect perfect love in a heartshape.
don't shiver anymore, you don't need to be afraid. i've got you in my arms, and that's all we ever really needed. it's going to be good.

2008-12-29T16:19:00.003+08:00

hungry. hungry. hungry.
hungry. hungry. hungry.
hungry. hungry. hungry.
hungry. hungry. hungry.
hungry. hungry. hungry.

3 days to school. hell, i was still waiting for christmas.

2008-12-29T00:59:00.009+08:00

homeboy and solace arms.

love is when i sing a song, and i find myself singing about you
and all the ways that you do.
so let me love you, this time around
love is never extinct, only dormant
and thank you for making me believe in it again.

2008-12-28T23:58:00.001+08:00

it's this crazy feeling, it's the same spark
it's a whole new electricity shazamming through my veins
having you next to me.

it's the magic moments, it's the sugar rush
it's a damn splendid hyped up feelin'
having them around me.

2008 began with familiar friends;
and it's ending with these bloody awesome ones.
i especially like crowded places,
with people i love and have grown to love.

don't try to cover up your wrath with gorgeous words.

2008-12-27T23:59:00.002+08:00

on a different note, as i am often thinking two things at once.

josh's coming over tomorrow to help me with the potato salad and party preps for the party tmr night. i am so eggcited for the party and seeing all my favourite Saints and my favourite girls. finally get to see that boy after aeons (ok 2 days) and get some alone time. he's been so busy with schoolwork and clubbing and i've been busy with. other commitments which is fucked up since i miss the old days when we used to make time but i should be happy with whatever of our time i have now right? yayokay. gumballs.

finally finished wrapping helios and josh tan's present and placed them nicely with edwin's and josh siow's. i feel accomplished. i can't find dj or yunhou anything good. yet. i will. as soon as i stop procrastinating.
i hate kissing games. okay thanks goodbye

2008-12-26T23:26:00.008+08:00

you can argue how imperfect we are together,
but you're my reason to breathe,
i'll never give you a reason to leave.

2008-12-26T23:13:00.002+08:00

please meet my three friday night people

lee yunhou

nicoleannecumming

and helios.

manic friday.
far east, bugis, cityhall, esplanade
much thanks to helios and dj for the sweet sweet skirt&blouse&belt
and to yunhou for the cute straw fedora.
i now need to do more christmas shopping.

happy note: josh's coming in awhile to take his present and to see me,
hopefully mumsy gets back soon so i can sneak out for a bit
i miss you, can't wait to see you.

happy 2 note: stick's back from malaysia!

2008-12-25T22:28:00.001+08:00

Lauralisa. popglock. says:
SHLS.
spaceman. says:
sorry, he likes sluts
Ange; There's A Ruby Glow; says:
hahaha
SUPERWOMAN; As Long As The Music's Loud Enough, says:
stupid hippy lying sideways.

So this is christmas

2008-12-25T19:01:00.006+08:00

(We have a photo exactly like that, just 2 years ago somewhere)

Here's a truckload of love to all those who made this year with me; this christmas turned out better than it looked like it was going to turn out. it started with baking butter cookies and rock cakes with my sister. then the traditional christmas dinner at my uncle's, and singing carols with the family. midnight mass was alright, somehow the spirit wasn't that hyped this year. after mass was the usual festive greeting/present exchanging with everyone.

christmas a.m. was spent with josh, though we didn't go to orchard boulevard to see the lights (which we are supposed to do tomorrow, boy), and even though i didn't spend this christmas attached to anybody, and even though half the morning was spent on the phone in tears, it still had a calming effect on me to have him by my side just like last year. much love goes out especially to ange for the lovely handmade earrings, josh for the bangles, theresa for the 'GORGEOUS' pencilbox, and mum and dad for the Gg style mobile. xoxo. can't wait for sunday's party. can't wait to see you all.

2008-12-24T13:55:00.004+08:00

because i refuse to admit defeat, 2008 has been great. no really it has. with it's explosions and multiple orgasmic events while threatening to crash and combust right. before. my weary eyes (right here my dog gets stuck in our front gate) i still hate the people i hated, still would die for those i would've died for, still think you're a heartless bitch. and because of such a wonderful/intimidating/shitty/fuckingpainful/brilliant/lovely/colourful/scary year, i'm excited about the new one. my cookies are burning in the oven. happy christmas and have a rad new year all.

2008-12-23T23:44:00.002+08:00

and my wasted heart will love you.